


Haise explains sex

by CreamyEroNekoo (V_agape)



Category: Tokyo Ghoul, tokyo ghoul :re
Genre: Crack Fic, Haise explains sex, Haise loves bananas, Probably shitty af, Tokyo Ghoul:Re - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-15
Updated: 2018-02-15
Packaged: 2019-03-19 03:54:16
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13696347
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/V_agape/pseuds/CreamyEroNekoo
Summary: Haise explains sex.I'm really sorry for the fic being short and confusing but ey...Idk what to say. lol





	Haise explains sex

"WHAT IS THIS THING DOING IN THIS HOUSE?!" Haise yelled as he finally got his children's attention. Urie shrugged his shoulders, Mutsuki looked mortified and Shirazu and Saiko grinned widely.

 

"We could ask you the same thing, Sassan. Shirazu said as he did a hand gesture, tilting it to the side like a wave.

 

"It doesn't give me the answer to why a package of CONDOMS laid on the floor!" It's obvious that you children don't know what SEX is!"

 

"Maman, for fuck's sake...It's not a big deal." Saiko muttered out as she looked back at her phone.

 

"YES, IT IS!" Haise answered sharply at the young Quinx.

 

"Maman, stop being silly, we are 19."

 

"And you are still watching Momin?" Haise asked in a teasing voice, smirking at his roast.

 

"OOOOOOHHHH, HE ROASTED YOU SAIKO-CHAN!" Shirazu laughed out, clutching his stomach in laughter.

 

"I NEED TO LEARN SWEDISH, OKAY?!"

 

"Why do you have to learn Swedish? Last I checked Momin was Finnish and the anime is originally in Japanese." Urie said obviously bored as fuck.

 

"WELL URIE-KUN, the woman who created Momin is Finnish but her mother-tongue is Swedish because Swedish is an official language in Finland aaaaaand the Swedish version is much better."

 

"SHUT UP. You need to learn what sex is!"

 

"Haise, please don't do this to us," Mutsuki whispered as he swallowed the lump in his throat.

Nonsense, you see kids. When a man and a woman love each other they sometimes want to give each other pleasure and the most pleasurable places on our bodies are the genitals, the vagina, and the penis. So the traditional version is that the man put his penis inside the woman's vagina. But foreplay is really important to make the woman's vagina wet and lubricated so the penis can slide in. The penis also needs to be hard so he can enter her.

"HAI-"

THE ACT can also contain oral sex which means the man might get his penis licked and the woman putting it in her mouth to stimulate him, the man can lick the woman's vagina. 

 

"MAM-"

 

BUT TWO MEN AND WOMEN CAN HAVE SEX. It's the same that the penis needs to get hard, usually, men have anal sex which means one of the men put his penis inside the others anus. The anus needs to be stretched out which means you often have to use your finger and lube due to no natural lubrication in the anus.

When two women have sex they usually use toys, often dildos and their own fingers.  
AND YOU ALWAYS NEED PROTECTION CHILDREN. PLEASE USE CONDOMS IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH A MAN.

 

"HELVETS JÄVLA...... VARFÖR?!!!!" Saiko yelled completely bet red.  
(What the hell... why)

 

"I think Mutsuki is dead," Urie said in a monotone voice as they saw Mutsuki body on the floor and the spirit going out through the mouth.

 

"But Maman, how do we know it isn't yours?" The gamer exclaimed in a teasing voice.

 

"Because I don't have sex."

 

"Says the man who showed up a banana in his anus last night..." Urie coughed out.


End file.
